Sovereignty
One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.
At our Board meeting last weekend, it was interesting to see how the issue of US politics was brought into the space. As a new member, I do not know most of these folks very well, so I paid careful attention to what I was hearing and what I was feeling within myself in response.
We are all in our own unique place with our feelings, thoughts and beliefs about the world-at-large and about the current state of things in the United States. Like most, I have been all over the map.
I was very engaged in the past two elections - writing letters, postcards, textbanking, donating, joining local organization meetings, and yes, actually praying. (I’m not a religious person, but do have strong spiritual beliefs that guide me.) In the deepest parts of my psyche I told myself there was no way that most people did not see who this man really is, and all of his sychophants and coat-tail riders too. I was wrong.
There are endless talk shows and videos and podcasts talking about what went wrong. I am not here to rehash all of that. A part of me thought that it was pointless to write about the topic of politics, or that I might ruffle feathers or turn some people off. Yet another part of me wanted to be authentic about my own experience and to not avoid what is in the field around us. Inclusion, not amputation.
For me, processing feelings has always been an important part of life. I became severely depressed at the age of twelve, and struggled with anxiety, low self-esteem, and a sense of despair for many years of my life. At some point, through therapy and lots of reading, I began to understand that feelings were energy, and that I could meet them with an open and compassionate heart. I could listen to the messages they offered, and I could make new choices about how I wanted to respond. Good ole Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning helped drive that home for me.
When the pandemic hit, and my now ex-husband moved out, I was thrown into deep grief. There was so much going on in the world around me, and I was grateful to have my work during those months when the world shut down for a reboot. I was also challenged to sit with so many others’ pain and struggles while going through profound life change myself.
Here we are again. Life. It is full of ongoing ups and downs, pain and joy, love and loss. So many humans are struggling with how to deal with their feelings and beliefs about what is happening in the world around us. Many of my clients do not want to talk about the topic of politics, some do. I sometimes want to talk about it, and others times I don’t. There is tremendous anxiety, fear, anger, uncertainty, despair, hopelessness, blaming, overwhelm, and more. The full spectrum of emotions is getting air time these days.
How do we help others, and ourselves, when it feels like life, or our experience of life, is too much?
The word that I have found for myself, during Covid, my divorce, chronic illness, and recently post-election blues, is sovereignty. It is akin to agency, in that we all get to decide within how we will respond. No one can take away my sovereignty over my own responses, beliefs, choices, and actions. I refuse to give up my sense of self, of what I believe is right and wrong, of what I will prioritize in my life. I encourage my clients to stake a claim where they will, in the territory of their own being. To reclaim any power that they have given away. To stay the course as life keeps evolving.
I am acutely aware that I have a certain amount of privilege, being a white, middle class, cis woman, and that supports me in such a stand. I also know that my Jewish ancestors, including my own grandfather, have lost many precious lives and that inter-generational trauma is felt in my own being as well. As a woman I have felt unseen, diminished, threatened, and dismissed. All of this informs me, and only further deepens my belief that we must all cultivate our own inner sovereignty and support the sovereignty of others, individually and societally. As Carl Sagan said, “We are, each of us, a multitude. Within us is a little universe.”
Being present in the moment is the best way I know how to stay connected to my own experience, and to stay in that precious space between stimulus and response. Allowing and accepting the rich and vast array of emotions we experience as humans, is the best way I have managed my own life thus far. I keep coming home to myself, my center, the seat of my soul, over and over again. I wish that for my clients, my loved ones, and all human beings on the planet. Perhaps, then, one day in the not-too-distant future, we may actually achieve a peaceful and thriving world for all.